The College Essay — and How to Make It Easier
Hello parents! My name is Elizabeth Perlman and I am the founder and executive director of The Intuitive Writing Project. Today, instead of our usual student interviews, I’m here to do a solo-podcast, something I learned about from my amazing teacher and coach, Jen Marples. The point of a solo-podcast is just to share relevant information quickly. So the theme for today is the college essay—and how we can help you make it easier!
According to an intro on the “Common App Personal Statement” from Next Step Educational Consultants, colleges are, quote, “trying to get a sense of how thoughtfully and critically you can reflect on your life and the world around you… They want to get a sense of who you are—your interests, your personality, your values—the dimensional aspects of you as an applicant that simply can’t be expressed in transcripts, test scores and activity stats.”
Colleges, they say, are looking for kids who can, quote: “identify and share their core values, show vulnerability, demonstrate a unique perspective, go deeper and reflect on how their experiences have shaped them and they how want to apply their strengths at college and beyond.”
What’s so interesting about this list is that these are all the qualities we cultivate in our weekly writing programs… which is why (shameless plug!) you should enroll your child in one of our writing programs immediately! But if you’re just hearing about us now, and if your child needs to write their college essays and hasn’t written with the Intuitive Writing Project before, it’s likely that you’re both freaking out.
I’ll start by saying, your freak-out is completely normal, it’s not your fault—and I have good news!
Well, first, the bad news is that—beyond The Intuitive Writing Project—the standard high school experience does NOT prepare teens for the level of self-awareness and emotional intelligence colleges are now seeking. If anything, the nature of our current academic curriculums (and the long hours of homework that come with it), actively inhibit the development of self-awareness. And yet, at the end of junior year, we expect our high schoolers to basically flick a switch and suddenly feel safe being vulnerable and philosophical about their lives. The other inhibiting factor is that most kids have felt so judged and discouraged by the rigors of the high school essay (which is radically different from the college essay, by the way), they don’t believe in their ability to write anything, least of all a personal story. It’s no wonder the college essay feels daunting. But now… the good news! Lucky for you, we have two great solutions for you!
The first solution, the long-term solution, is to enroll your child in an Intuitive Writing Project program—long before she’s a senior in high school. We offer programs for girls and gender-expansive youth, ages 8 and up, and kids love it so much, they choose to write with us every week and every year until they graduate high school. Also girls who have written with us for a long time generally don’t need any help with their college essay. That’s because they’ve had the time and space they need to find their voice and discover their unique point of view, well in advance. But if you’ve run out of time and would like to offer your child a crash course in self-awareness and self-empowerment, the second solution is to set up a one-on-one essay coaching session with me! Although every session is different, tailored to the unique needs of each teen, I thought I’d take a moment to tell you a bit about my process.
Like my Patron Saint, Oprah Winfrey, I start by asking your child fun, conversational questions, questions that are actually very deep and soulful… and which often show up as writing prompts in our weekly classes, questions about what they enjoy, what they’re obsessed with, what matters to them, what makes them feel most alive. Together we “plumb the depths,” identifying their unique talents and strengths along with their most significant and challenging experiences thus far. We talk about how our struggles becomes our service—and then I help kids identity the issues and ideas that feel most important to them, their core values and guiding lights, and how they might want to use their strengths to make a difference in world. As we converse, the writer in me is always listening for the larger themes, the evidence of personal growth and leadership—which I love to mirror back to them, so they can see it, too!
Most importantly, we talk about “the Hero or Heroine’s Journey,” which is the archetypal structure of all effective storytelling—every book, every movie, every tv series and also—it just so happens—the best college essays! We talk about how this structure relates to their own life—how we are all the heroes and authors of our own life story—and how to trust our own way of speaking and thinking and being ourselves.
Whenever kids tell me they “can’t write,” I just ask them to tell me their story out loud, because (in the words of Pat Schneider, the founder of the Amherst Writing Method we use in all our classes), “talking is just writing on the air.” At the Intuitive Writing Project, we believe that everyone is a writer because everyone is a storyteller because we are all human beings, and humans tells stories. We live stories. We listen to stories. We learn from stories. And we all know how to tell a great story… if we are just given the time to tell it… to someone who really wants to listen.
As kids talk, I listen carefully, jotting down lines and phases that amaze me, at which point I say things like, “that’s it! What you just said! That’s your voice… and that’s what you can write about!” I often say that I am not a teacher but A MIRROR, someone who is here to shine a light on what is already wonderful, to help the teens realize the value and power of what they have to say. THIS is how you write an amazing essay, not by logically following the rules but by listening to and expressing the truth of your heart—"declaring what you to know be true,” as our tagline says—and realizing that you, too, have a story worth telling.
Kids say they love to write with me and I think it’s mostly because I am a very silly person and like to make it fun—and because having fun is how the creative brain relaxes into maximum creativity! But I think they also enjoy it because the feel truly listened to, validated and supported. If I had to identify MY single greatest strength, I’d say that I am a powerful listener, that I have the capacity to listen deeply—listen to the words and also the meaning between the words—and then to reflect back the particular genius I hear and see in each person. THIS is of course the quality I bring to all my classes. But it’s most laser-focused during our one-on-one college essay sessions.
I will be the first to tell you that I am not a college counselor and my work is no substitute for their level of knowledge and expertise. But I am a story-coach, someone who can help your child hear, recognize, nurture and flesh-out their most important and empowering stories.
Logistically, we usually start with the big, personal statement. After I help them outline what they want to write about, I have them start writing—like we do in our writing classes—while they’re feeling most focused and inspired. I have the kids write for about 20 minutes, and then I have them read out loud what they wrote, so I can reflect back what they’re doing well, proving to them that they do have their own voice—a voice they can trust. After all the talking, philosophizing and writing, they are ready to take a break, so I ask them to finish a first draft of the main essay on their own. When we meet for our second session, we read through it, polish and finish the first essay. Personally, I find that the best way to edit is to have kids to read their essay out loud, which is how they can hear what sounds great… and what needs some more work. If something sounds confusing or vague and they’re getting tripped up on their words, I will often ask them to tell me again—out loud—exactly what they are meaning to say. Once again, the process of telling their story out loud reveals what needs to be said, and the editing process becomes quick and painless.
For all the smaller and supplemental essays, I help kids talk through what they want to write about, at which point they usually have enough confidence to write on their own. I am always available to meet, but a lot of final edits happen via Google docs. The most important part of the process is the beginning, establishing trust in me, in themselves and in their personal voice. After that, it’s a smooth glide to the finish!
Ultimately, in each of my college essay sessions, the goal is not just to write an effective personal essay, but to help each young person reclaim their voice, to realize their unique wisdom and brilliance as an individual. And THAT is the magic of writing with The Intuitive Writing Project, and the reason all our writers get into their first choice schools—including Brown, Boston University, NYC, Northeastern, American University, Tufts, Duke, the University of Colorado, the University of Oregon, the University of Washington, USC, UCLA, UCSD, UCSB, UC Berkeley, and Cal Poly, among others. (I’ve been doing this for eleven years now, so it’s a long list!)
It was Dorothy Allison who said, “I am the only one who can tell the story of my life and say what it means.” And it is me who says: your child is filled with beautiful, powerful, important stories—and I am here to set them free!
To learn more or to schedule a free consultation, email me at
[email protected]. And may you breathe a sigh of relief, knowing your child’s essays will soon be completed beautifully and with ease!
